" But she never talked to them!" I observed."She never talked to you, but she was quite talkative with anyone else, except when you were around." We walked slowly down the path that led to the church. Becky was going to be Antonia's Maid of Honour, a decision made at least fifteen years ago. Likewise Antonia had been her chief Bridesmaid when Becky married. Unfortunately Becky's husband found it difficult to give up the freedom of single life so they were divorced. We took the time as we talked to reconnoitre the Church. Antonia was already there and I was surprised to hear one of the Bach Fugues being played on the organ."Who's playing the organ?" I asked her."Oh, that will be Eugene." Antonia replied. "He's our musical director. He insisted that as he hasn't played an organ for quite some time that he would play for my wedding." It would seem that arrangements had been made whilst I remained busy in the laboratory. As my mother once said, men are superfluous at a wedding except for. If the conversation isn’t literally about them, it is often directed to them. People (and not just guys) literally talk to your boobs, as if they were not just unusually big, but also sentient. You become this sort of quiet, distant person, watching the party from the far side of the tits.It’s nobody’s fault, it’s just how we’re wired. When you have boobs like mine, your whole body shape implies “sex,” whether you mean it to or not. You can try to have an ordinary conversation about sport or the weather, but “they” will interrupt you with their favorite topic, sex. You will be talking to a guy, and all of a sudden he will blush, and look past you, and you know that he is trying, and failing, not to think about sex, because that is what your boobs are saying to him, over and over again. Sex. Sex. Sex.Nobody is immune. Respected elders--teachers and coaches and ministers--will make the mistake of glancing, ever so briefly, at your chest, and become flustered and start talking too fast..
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